No one in or out of recovery is thrilled about experiencing rejection. Addiction destroys our ability to cope with emotions in a healthy way. Many people seek to soothe that pain, but for any number of powerful reasons, our soothing began to feel like a non-negotiable part of life. Soon we shrank from any feeling at all, be it a good feeling or a bad feeling. We feared that any attempt to process them without the aid of substances or destructive behavior would literally kill us. In recovery, we discover those beliefs were the product of patterns we’d ingrained in our brain. Today we are learning to process our emotions naturally and without harming ourselves.
In my training, I heard “addicts hate rejection.” In exploring this statement, I found it true because of our particularly painful pasts – it feels especially personal. But we can learn to see and cope with rejection as being no different than any of the other feelings we are learning to process.
Ultimately, rejection has a key role in the sales process, and many people starting businesses never realize the pivotal role making that sale plays in their ultimate success. No one can be as passionate about your business as you, so it’s critical that you master the art of the sale.
To do so you must come to understand that sales are a numbers game. Make your best pitch and don’t take the rejection personally. Rejection is information, just as hunger is information to the brain that we need to eat. Use that information in your business and see how it can affect your next pitch.
Imagine if you had no emotional attachment to rejection. You wouldn’t fear asking for the sale and suffer zero negative associations with a “no”. In fact, a “no” would simply mean that statistically, you are now one step closer to a “yes”. What if you could just keep happily asking until you got a yes? Soon you would be seeking — and getting –many yeses.
Without emotional attachment, you can ask for something big right out of the gate. And then, if necessary, turn around even an insurmountable seeming objection into a negotiation for a smaller version which you whip out from your back pocket, otherwise known as a plan B. A “no” is only ever a big wet chance to ask “Why?” Usually hearing a prospect’s thought process makes the rejection thoroughly understandable and beautifully sets you up to ask for their business in a killer manner in the future. I call this technique, “retreat, not run” because the natural reaction is to run out of there as fast as possible. But you’re leaving money on the table if you give up after an initial “no” because you are now in a position to make a lesser request – one with a much greater chance of getting a “yes”.
When given the option, most people would prefer to please people rather than reject them. Saying “no” to you is actually pretty hard if you’ve made a good presentation. Your prospect most probably wants to use your brilliant ideas and feel inspired by your enthusiasm so they are still watching you even after they’ve said “no”, to see how you accept their rejection. If you accept the “no” with humility, asking questions that impress them with your sincere desire to understand how they might better be served, they may actually change their minds. After all, they’ve just had insight into your character. They’ll see that you are not just interested in the sale, you genuinely want to help.
When I discuss this subject, I’m often reminded of my grandmother who was the bookkeeper for our family business. She was good at what she did, but when we needed her to answer incoming calls her naivete and sweetness could trap her on the line forever. She’d pick up the receiver full of helpfulness and sometimes encounter a polished and sincere voice pitching their business. They explained that the purpose of this call was to update our online listing, update our credit card processing, or some other brilliant, yet annoying business service. The rest of us had learned over time to simply hang up to avoid the coming sales pitch because these telemarketers were masters at handling rejection, but grandma would be thrown for a loop and sucked in. Eventually, she learned to hang up, but not before saying an innocent, “Sorry” which always melted my heart.
Don’t be those slick and soul-less telemarketers, but do detach yourself from a “no” the way they did. It doesn’t serve us as business owners to ever dwell on what a “no” may mean for the future. Focus only on controllable factors, such as our efforts. Detach from any discomfort in getting a “no,” understand that it is merely someone’s opinion at this moment and that they’re only temporarily rejecting your product, not you. It’s not personal. And if it is personal, you don’t need to be doing business with such a person!
